It's a constant emotional roller coaster, with considerably more downs than ups. And the only thing getting me through the extra month that i'm staying is the fact that i get to go home oh so soon.
And now I have a decision to make, and it may be the most grown-up decision I've ever had to make. It's a big girl job, with a big girl salary and it's mine for the taking--if I want it.
My logical side is screaming at me, telling me I'll never get an opportunity like this again, that it would be a great step up in the non-profit business world, that it would counter-balance my science bulging resume and potentially make me a candidate for the type of east coast school of public policy I still dream of getting into someday...
but there's this quiet voice, pulling at my heart; never quite giving up, forcing me to acknowledge that while i may have come to a point where i've accepted everything (and more) that seems to fall under my current job description and i've made a considerable impact during my 8+weeks down here----i am not cut out for this type of work.
Really, i have handled everything this internship has thrown at me, from accompanist to errand girl to non-profit incorporator. It's the case worker bit of the job that just drains me. Drains me to the point where I think it might be making me sick. No, seriously. I'm so emotionally and mentally drained by having to be the constant support system, constant positive motivator, constant driving force behind these women's recovery that it's wearing me down. I used to never get sick and now I've been sick on and off for the past 4 weeks. My own body is giving up on me, and it's only by sheer will power and immense sense of duty (apathy took over my compassionate side about 3 weeks ago) that I'm able to give the woman currently staying in the shelter the emotional support she needs to get through each day.
But the job i've been offered isn't for being a case worker. and I've grown to like this town and it's people, crooked politics and all but most of all, I've come to really care about what happens to this women's shelter. and that is where I'm stuck.